Hey-
You might think my title is kind of strange but I notice this pass week that it is so true. Three of my guyfriends have taught me so much probably more then my girlfriends. I don't know if it is because I'm like them personailty wise more or what but it is amazing what they have taught me and this year is their last so I have no idea what I will do without them next year. It is strange also how God takes one away then puts one in and then takes that one away and then put the old friend back in plus a new one. Here is my story to explain what I'm talking about. When I first started college I fell for this guy and we would make time to talk at lunch off and on and thing and he was homeschooled and the first guy that I met when I came to college. For a year and a half we talked like friends do but then he got a girlfriend last year so he stop talking to me or knowing that I was around. While that was happening and I was giving up on him another guy came along so we got to know each other a little deeper and we talked some and so on. Well, where I am now is that guy I got to know deeper last sesmeter as a friend is not talking to me anymore and I barely see him. Another guy is coming into my life now for who knows what the reason is yet haven't firgured it out yet and the first guy that I got to know is coming back and acting like himself again since he broke up with his girlfriend. The guy that I got to know deeper last semster says that something has made his life life changing so that could have something with him not talking to me. Even though these different guys come from different backgrounds like homeschooled, public schooled, and a broken family they are seem to have one thing in common and can tell one thing about me and that one thing about me that they have told me is that I'm really caring and have a kind heart. It is a good thing I know but it is also a hard thing to understand. I think that with that kind heart that I help them out and make them think about things without them knowing therefore they need a break from me and later on they will come back around as friends. Is that possible and does it make sense? It is strange how things really worked out lately for me. I don't know if I'm just changed more and more or if they are. If you can make sense out of this then I would love for you to leave a comment if not then that is ok I totally understand. I kind of confused myself while writing this too. Well, I better go so bye.

Have you ever had a day or
even a week where the first
start of it is tough but then
later on God just starts pouring
stuff on you so much stuff
that if you were to pray about it in
one night it would take like a hour
or more?

That has been this week for me.
I was really mad and depressed at
the beginning of this week. Then
God used two people to help me
furigure what was wrong with me
and then the other one to calm me
down and know that God is with me.

I was talking to one of my friends
that just went through a retreat thing
with teenagers and I asked him how that
went and he said it was life changing for
him which is good but I think that scared
me a little bit to be honest. Then I was
in his room and he just amazes me. It
seems like he can do everything like
sing and paint and loves God but
yet he likes to hunt plus he is a farm boy.
You would never think those go together
or I wouldn't be where I was rised. If
you even sing you were a sissy but hunting
you were cool.

Him saying that it was life changing for him
was a little scary because I was thinking
what if I'm not in that plan. Then I had a
talk with one of my girlfriends and she
reminded just how amazing of a friend
this guy could be and if he knew that he
have hurted me that it would hurt him as
well and that I need to watch my heart
more. I think that was mainly the
problem of my being depressed and all.

Then just last night we had this worship
thing and the guy and me were both there
and guess what we both glanced and each
other. Don't know what he was thinking or
if he really did see me but I saw him and
I felt at peace and happy again but yet at
the same time I was shaking afterwards.
That wasn't the only thing that made me
feel better. We also singed some songs
like You Never Let Go of Me by Matt Redman
that really touch me like never before.

Then God has put some verses on my heart also
before that like Jeremiah 10:23-24 and John 21:1-19.
It has been a hard yet full filling week for me. I would
love comments and suggestions about how to deal
with any of this or just about anything. Thanks.

This idea just popped into my head today and it does kind of makes sense to me. Hopefully, it will make some sense to you. I'm telling you this because I want to see if it is reasonable. Here it is: I feel like a whole new person. I feel like I really don't fit in with my group of friends anymore. I discovered who I really am and want to be. I'm thinking of ways to get to know people better the people that I want to know. I feel like I have to start over with certain people and there have been people on my mind lately a lot that haven't been this past semster. Some of these people are ones I met at the beginning of my Freshman Year. Since my so called friends are growing away from me maybe that is a sign for me to go ahead and restart my life even if it is just for a sesmter or year. Something or somebody changed me this summer I feel like. I can tell that I'm not the same either. I like the real me. The End. :) Does this sound reasonable and make sense or am I just thinking about it too much? Well, I better go so bye.